Sleep...

I'm super sleepy. I should definitely be in bed right now. But I'm not. And I don't want to go to sleep for at least a little bit. I love the nighttime. I love how peaceful it gets and how it's the one time during the entire day that I can be alone with my thoughts. This is both good and bad. I can finally get my head in order . . . but it also gives me time to think about mistakes I've made, regrets I have, and just changes in my life that I don't necessarily like. Life is funny because it's this ever changing thing. When you're little you live for the changes; your next birthday, next school year, high school, college. You're whole growing up years you know exactly where you're headed and you can't wait to get there. And all of a sudden one day you wake up and realize, oh crap, I'm there. And the worst part is you don't exactly know where 'there' is. Like look at me. I'm going to BYU, studying a subject that I love, but all of a sudden my future is unsure. I'm not necessarily working towards a specific goal. Obviously I still have goals (i.e. marriage and family), but these goals are no longer within my control. I can no longer look at my life and say well, in two year I'll be married, and then two years after that I'll have a baby. My life doesn't work like that anymore. I don't know what is going to happen or when it will happen. I simply know what I would like to happen. And this scares me because I'm a control freak. I love making lists, I love having things planned out. Spontaneous stresses me out, I hate surprises, and I don't like change. This has been a struggle for me the past couple of months. And the solution came in the form of a C.S. Lewis book I had to read for a class. I don't know the exact quote, but Lewis said something along the lines that to obey God is to trust Him, and to trust God is to not worry about life. And I realized that this is what I have to do. I trust the Lord, and because of this I have to trust in His plan and timing and not worry about how my life is currently working out. He knows what is best for me, and if I live the Gospel completely than He will make sure I receive eternal happiness. As I drift off to sleep tonight this is what I will hold on to.

I hate coming up with titles . . .

Wow, the General Relief Society Meeting was amazing. I love President Uchtdorf so flippin' much! He is an amazing man and his talks are always so inspirational. I loved his list of 5 things that we needed to never forget. Whenever I hear him talk I am overcome with peace and love. This was an especially fun session for me, because it was the first Relief Society Broadcast that I have gone to in person. My friend Maggie (from study abroad) surprised me this morning when she called and told me she had two tickets to the session, and wanted to know if I'd like to go with her. We drove up to Salt Lake. went to the session, and then walked around temple square. I love that place, and I love Maggie. She is a good listener and it's nice to talk to her because she understands everything that happened in Germany and how I feel about things . . . life in general. She's fun too. So much energy and she makes me laugh. We got pictures of us together, but they are all on her computer, so this simple picture of the temple will have to suffice. Needless to say, it was gorgeous.

So, other news in my life. School has been rough. My Statistics for Economists class is way above my head, but I'm working on catching up. I've had a rough go this past month . . . but things are starting to look up. I feel strong . . . independent . . . and I'm ready to be happy. I've got a lot ahead of me this coming semester. I'm going to have to work my butt off, but I'm hoping I'm up to the challenge. I've got some awesome friends here to help me out . . . and I'm more grateful than ever for this church and the Gospel in my life. I don't know where I'd be without it.

Validation

So, I'm just going to admit straight up how much I suck at posting on blogs. I have this philosophy on life that I'd like to share with you all:

          If I'm too busy living life to record it, then so be it. At least I lived while it lasted.

There are three areas in life that I see this constantly. 1) Blogging - you should all realize this, since I only posted once in the entire two months I was in Europe. 2) Taking pictures - I forced myself to take pics in Europe, although the last month I kind of slacked off on it. Luckily I had friends who took lots of pictures, so no worries! and 3) writing in my journal - I only write when I'm super happy, or super depressed - pretty much I look bipolar in my journal, but so be it.

So I'd like to sit here and tell you all that I'm going to be better at posting on here (if anyone actually ever reads this). But honestly I can't. We had a devotional all about being honest, and I can't tell you in good conscience that I'm suddenly going to become a great blogger . . . sorry to ruin all your hopes and dreams.

But, I do want you all to know I had an amazing time in Germany. It was hard, I cried, I laughed, I made some amazing friends, I went swimming, I ate gallons upon gallons of ice cream . . . and I don't regret a single scoop of it. Truth is I'd rather be in Germany right now, than here at BYU, but so is life. Someday I plan to go back their and live. Hopefully with a husband and kids, but I still have yet to see how my life will turn out.

Well, until I write again I'd like to leave you all with this awesome video I first saw in Germany. It's kinda long (15 minutes), and might seem weird at the beginning, but it's worth watching. I pretty much love it. And TJ Thyne from Bones is in it. So, enjoy!! Bis Später!